Monday, July 11, 2011

Over 45 and the meaning of desperate...

Mmmmmm...doesn't sound pretty...but, it does seem accurate. At least at this moment anyway. Actually, its a bit worse than that...it should say over 47 and desperate, but I didn't want to sound too OMG she's on the ledge and she's ready to jump! Know what I mean? So, I'm not sure where I'm going, not sure why I'm doing this, not even sure how long it will last. With 50 less than 3 years away it just seemed like a good idea. So here it goes.


Thirty. Three...zero...30...a benign set of numbers really. A 3 and a 0. Separately, they could even be called innocuous. But, put them together in certain context and they are <shudder> merciless...    
I once had a sense of style, if you could call it that. 
Size 6 pencil skirts, spiked heels, jackets with shoulder pads and big hair. Headbands, leg warmers, string bikinis, mid-drift-baring tops and my dazy dukes...and of those I had a few despite my father’s never ending disgust ( LOL sorry Pops!). The night was young at 11:00, the party just gearing up at mid-night. Alcohol, chocolate and chips did not concern me or my hips and a life-time seemed so long...
Today I find myself walking to the mirror slower. Who needs to see what new fun ways time has found to mark the years? I find myself sitting by my pool in the heat of a Texas evening with the love of my life and the music of katydids underscored by the joyous sounds of my kids laughing at their own jokes. One glass of wine and I’m out like a baby. Is there even a mid-night on the clock anymore? And a life-time seems to have passed in a blinding flash...
Now, here I sit with the realization that next year will be, dare I say it? Thirty years since I graduated high school. How does that even begin to be possible???? It can’t be...I refuse to allow that into my thought processes. I mean really, me? Out of high school 30 years? No way. All right...enough self-absorption...there is an entire generation coming to this mile-stone and I find a great deal of comfort knowing that I am not alone in this next journey. 
I will find my new style, I will set my feet firmly on the next phase of my adventures and I will relish the past journeys I’ve had. I will find the joy in every minute that is ahead of me and I will praise GOD for the beauty that my life has been and will be!!

9 comments:

  1. Yay! Congratulations on the birth of your blog. Very clever. Now get to work on that book.

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  2. Hooray for Kim! I love your writing style. When IS that book coming?

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  3. very interesting Kim it all rang a little to true but I guess it is because I find myself over 45 .... What? Great job , love it!

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  4. great blog kim! cant wait to read some more!

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  5. Desperate at 47?!? Whadda ya think I am at SIXTY-seven (almost--in October.) I glance down and see my mother's skin on my arms, her veins on the backs of my hands. Forget your "sense of style"; I not only have a moustache, I also have a freakin' BEARD!

    Haven't had a date since my husband passed away fourteen years ago. Is there such a thing as born again or renewed virgins? I think I qualify.

    Forty-seven! Bah, you're still a kid. Live it up!

    Cheri

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  6. Ah 47, what a great age. Trust me you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait until you have a 47 year old daughter and you can't figure out how that happened. I can't possibly be old enough to have a child that age, no way. I have crepe paper on my arms a metal hip and lumps, bumps and spots that I never had before, so I guess I must be old enough. Darn, that's depressing. Wait, wait a minute I forgot (darn memory is going also)I was born pregnant, so that makes me 48. See we can grow old together. What a revelation for my day. Seriously, to your 14 yr. old daughter you may seem old, but to your 69 year old mother you seem young, beautiful, strong and healthy. Now kick up your heels and celebrate how young you are. Great blog. XOX

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  7. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and make me feel at home! I appreciate all you wonderful ladies very much! As to the desperate thing...a. it sounded funny, 2. because I have no idea how I GOT to be 47 and if I blink I'm going to be 67 and above mentioned 14 year old will be...OH DEAR HEAVEN ABOVE...34!!!!! That would make the 7 year....oh, I can't even go there!!

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  8. Oh, and in my haste to get away from the image of my kids all grown I forgot to mention...it appears 2 people here sound like they are on the ledge I mentioned above...don't jump! It's all relative...I bet if an 87 year old woman passes by she'll scoff at 67/69! Love you both!

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  9. I have grown kids and I am celebrating LOL!!!!!
    AWESOME BLOG, Kim! Love it!

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